after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
