dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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