yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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