i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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