Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
