I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
