Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
