you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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