I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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