my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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