his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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