it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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