Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
