Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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