Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
