he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
