Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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