I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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