butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
