Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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