This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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