his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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