Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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