Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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