my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
