question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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