they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
