oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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