If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
