Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
