The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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