remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
