How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
