I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
