I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
