I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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