When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
