If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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