He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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