I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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