I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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