I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize