Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
