Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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