dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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