I hate all girls vehemently.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
