bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
