forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
