Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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