im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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