So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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