my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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