she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
