Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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