i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
