i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
