I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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