Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
