Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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