oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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