Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
