david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
