Ambien. No doubt about it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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