yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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