Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
