you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
