Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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