the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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