Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
